1

Will carefully made his way into the cave , trying to get down the tunnel without hurting himself or Sally.  When they got into the cave Will sat Sally down on her moss bed.

“ Will I’m hungry.” Sally whined.

“ We don’t have any food.  I’d go to get some but I cant leave you alone.”  He said.

Sally scraped the floor with a stick.  “ I’m bored.” She declared.


1

“ Sally there’s nothing to do.  Find a way to entertain yourself.” Will was in another one of his bad moods.

Sally got up and walked over to the entrance of the cave. She began to climb up the tunnel.

“ What are you doing?” Will asked.

“ I’m going to find some food.  I’m sure there are some berries somewhere.”


1

Will didn’t even argue with her.  He knew that if he did Sally would just ignore him and leave anyway. “ I’m coming with you.” He said, and followed Sally out of the cave.  Sally walked strait into the woods.  She didn’t tell Will that she was actually headed to the place.  Sally walked fast, and Will almost had to run to catch up to her.

“Where are you going?” Will finally asked.

“To the stream.  It’s awefully hot don’t you think?” Sally decided she would go to the stream to cool off and then go to see the others.

“ Sally it’s raining.  Or sprinkling at least.  How can you possibly be hot?” Will asked.

“ I don’t know but I am. Are we going the right way?”

Will shrugged. “ I don’t know. Ketzel is the only one who knows.”

“ Well I can find it. “ Sally sounded very sure of herself.

Sally started to go a bit faster. “ Will I’m sweating nearly to death.”  She said.

“ Are you alright?” Will was worried about Sally.

“ I think I’ll be okay.” She said. “ Am I okay Will?

“ I think so.  Maybe we should rest a bit.”


2

“ Alright, but not long.  I need to cool off.”


1

Will and Sally sat on a large rock by an old tree.  They sat for a few minutes before they got up to start walking again. Will turned away from Sally while he tried to figure out which way they should go. “ I think we should go…” Will started to point to where he thought they should go.  Then he turned around and found Sally lying on the ground.  She had fainted while Will wasn’t looking.  Will started to panick.  He didn’t know what to do.  He knelt down beside Sally and put his hand on her forehead.  It was burning hot.  Will scooped Sally into his arms and ran through the woods to where he thought he would find Ketzel and James.

He ran over to where his friends were carrying wood.

“ Ketzel!” Will yelled. “ Sally has a fever!”

Ketzel ran over to Will and felt Sally’s forehead.  “ Oh no, she does!” She said.

--A.B.

Posted by jonpotts on June 15, 2009
Tags Student Submissions

Total comments on this page: 8

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jonpotts on paragraph 21:

This is Sally right? Then why is she not having a temper tantrum.

E.C.

June 10, 2009 6:37 am
jonpotts on paragraph 21:

Maybe it is because she is sick, too weak to show her personality.

–JP

June 15, 2009 6:35 pm
jonpotts on whole page :

This chapter goes well with the previous ones I think. The characters are really starting to be revealed as individuals, rather than stereotypes.
–JP

June 15, 2009 6:37 pm
19113 on whole page :

This is a great start, I think the story is going great… Keep up the good work!

June 18, 2009 6:10 am
cookies 'n' creeeeam on paragraph 6:

I liked the way you potrayed Sally’s stubborness. Having her walk out like that really displayed how she gets what she wants. If she wants food, she’ll get it

June 18, 2009 6:13 am
fredflintstone on paragraph 10:

I love the amount of detail used in this paragraph, especially how you feel like you know everything that some of the characters don’t even know.

June 18, 2009 7:23 am
fredflintstone on paragraph 22:

You have a lot of great detail but I think that you could add a little bit more to the scene. Such as why she fainted or how she looked while she was lying on the ground.

June 18, 2009 7:25 am
SR on paragraph 2:

i like how there’s a lot of stuff in this part about Will caring about Sally.

June 18, 2009 7:26 am
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