Two other authors are writing tonight, so you can simply guess at what they will have added based on the outline. The basic idea is that at your point James has left the group angrily after arguing over leadership with Will...Sally is feverish and weak and Ketzal & Will remain to hungrily and wearily search for James or food. Will has stumbled across the path of a deer and attempts to shoot it with a bow. He misses and ... (your passage begins.)

Nimbly dodging Will’s makeshift arrow, the fawn darted deeper into the heart of the forest. With a silent nod he beckoned the other two to follow him, Sally clinging to Ketzal’s injured leg tiredly.

“Come on Sally,” Ketzal cried pleadingly, hoping that a change of tone would soften Sally’s obstinate behavior. “We need you to walk on your own. Besides, you were the one who was fussing over food.”

Sally grudgingly obliged. While she might win an argument against Will with innocent eyes and juvenile charm, Ketzal wouldn’t be fooled. Maybe this was because she had done the same thing at Sally’s age. Whatever it was, it broke Sally’s disobedient disposition, and allowed Ketzal to begin trying to catch up with Will.

At this point, Will was easily thirty yards ahead, and had it not been for Will’s carefully marked trail, his sister and lover would have been lost to the forest creatures and even worse, the soldiers. Noticing Will’s caution to mark his route between agile bounds, Ketzal allowed herself a sigh of admiration. To any onlooker in the middle of the woods, Ketzal would merely be marveling at the beauty of the young doe who was gracefully skipping through the trees, and not its brave hunter that wordlessly shadowed it.

Frustrated at herself for thinking about romance ahead of the task at hand, Ketzal broke free of Will’s hypnotic dance with nature and its child. Hurriedly, she rushed Sally along, stretching the limits of the worn-out first grader who had reverted back to her defiant phase. Perhaps what happened next was Ketzal’s fault, for had she not been dazed by Will’s elegance, she might not have been in need of rushing to catch up with him. As the teenage girl pushed her along, Sally stepped into a small ditch, hidden by leaves and debris. As the ground broke beneath her, she let out a sharp yelp before regaining her footing. Sally continued on as if nothing had happened, but the damage was already done. When Will heard Sally’s outburst, he froze in place, leaving the deer scampering away. His concentration was broken, and any chance of catching the deer was surely lost now.

“Ughhh!” Will groaned in despair, mostly to himself, but letting the others know of his disappointment. Biting back curses and insults toward his companions, he continued on, searching for some sort of consolation to losing their meal. As Will broke through trees and branches, he paused, soaking in what lay before him. Ketzal and Sally crashed through the leaves soon after, making as much noise as they wanted now that the doe had gotten away. Following suit, the three stopped abruptly at an open clearing. What lay before their eyes shimmered in the morning glow. Will stared up at the sun. They had been searching for James for over three hours, and the time for courtesy was long past. They all exchanged glances, and rushed forward; each determined to be the first to arrive at the cabin’s door.

“Good morning,” an old man said briskly. “Can I help you?”

“I’m sorry,” Ketzal apologized. “it must be around five in the morning.”

“Four, actually,” the man yawned. “But it’s quite alright,” he continued nonchalantly. “I usually get up around now. Besides, my granddaughter was collecting food for breakfast before some hunters startled her. By the way, the name’s Sam.

“Jessa! More visitors!” the elderly man called.

More? Ketzal thought to herself. How many people could be lost in the woods?

A trained fawn responded to the wrinkled man’s call by galloping in from the forest. Will peered questionably at the doe, staring at it for a long time before saying a word. The deer strode towards Sam, her spine straightening and her legs becoming more humanlike with each step. The deer’s nose morphed into a human face, sparkling green eyes replacing those of the wild-eyed deer. A young girl with ribbons in her mousy brown hair now stood where the fawn had been. The girl extended her hand in greeting and said, “Hi, I’m Jessa.”

“I beg your pardon?” Will stuttered speechlessy.

---Garlic_Bread977

Posted by jonpotts on June 17, 2009
Tags Student Submissions

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lexis on paragraph -1:

I like how Ketzal can see right through Sally’s act.

June 18, 2009 7:36 am
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